Christians are straight up FREAKS
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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