my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this will be a night to untag.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
