Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
