covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
