i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
