Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
