My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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