handjob tips. give me some.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
