I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
