I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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