ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
