My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
