I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
