The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
