You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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