Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
