ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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