dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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