My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
