and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
