you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
