I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
