You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
