the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
