I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
