Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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