I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
