it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I touched a dick in church today
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
