He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
