I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
