I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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