Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
