You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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