i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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