actually, I'm a sock model
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
