If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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