So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
