you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
4 words: hood of his car
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
