She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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