yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
