and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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