Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
