I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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