I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
