Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
