And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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