Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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