I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
