Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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