Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
