The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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