Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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