i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
