He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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