i would punch a child for taco bell
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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