rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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