can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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