She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
