wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
