Plan B is the new Plan A
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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