I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
