According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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