i'm signing you up for texting rehab
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
