that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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