nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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