Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
