Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
