you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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