you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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