i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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