All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
