I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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