Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
