Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
