is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You can't just leave with hair like that
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
