taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
